If I Die Young
by ZeenoMCR
Summary: "If I die young, bury me in satin. Lay me down on a bed of roses. Sink me in the river at dawn. Send me away with the words of a love song."
1. Prologue

_If I die young bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song <em>  
><em>oh oh oh oh <em>

I stare morosely at the tree. Her name is written there. There in the place we spent so much time together. There in the place her presence was strongest.

**Alice Leigh Swan  
>913/1988-10/4/2004  
>"Life <em>is<em> the messy bits."  
>Your light will be missed<br>by all that it touched.  
>Rest in peace.<strong>

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_  
><em>She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and<em>  
><em>Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no <em>  
><em>ain't even grey, but she buries her baby<em>

She was just sixteen when she died. She was on the way home from the mall with her friends—Summer and Maxie—when their car was struck by a drunk driver. Alice fought for two weeks; two long, painful weeks. But her body wasn't strong enough. No one was strong enough to recover from what Alice went through. We mourned her loss, but I made a resolution to live every moment for my sister—my best friend.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

We called her Allie. She was such a bright, bright girl. Nothing shook her; she was a rock. Everyone loved her—loved the bright light that was in her eyes and in everything she did. Allie was an angel sent to Earth to bless our family.

_If I die young bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song <em>

Allie wanted us to cremate her and scatter the ashes in the places she loved most. Near her tree, in that bed of roses, and in the river where we always swam in the summer.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

Her last words to us were that she had enough time, and not to be sad. Allie loved life, but she was okay with letting go. She knew there was a better place for her; a place with less suffering.

_And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom_  
><em>I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger<em>  
><em>I've never known the lovin' of a man <em>  
><em>But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand<em>  
><em>There's a boy here in town says he'll love me forever<em>  
><em>Who would have thought forever could be severed by<em>

She was so young, so unexperienced. She had one boyfriend ever, and they never even kissed. It was just a short, sweet thing. They loved each other. After she died, he dissappeared but a suicide note was found at the cliffs at the local lake. He was named Nick. He died on November 12th. It was their one-year anniversary that he committed suicide. He wrote only five words in his note.

**I've gone to join her.**

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>

Allie was an old soul. Her love was deep and infinite. It would never be severed, ever. That's why Nick was so destroyed by Allie's death.

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_  
><em>What I never did is done<em>

Allie's last wish was for me to go make things right with our dad, Charlie. That's why I'm standing here at the oak tree. I'm saying goodbye, before I have to leave this place forever. But it's for Allie. And I'll never deny her anything.

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no I'll sell them for a dollar _  
><em>They're worth so much more after I'm a goner<em>  
><em>And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin' <em>  
><em>Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'<em>

No one ever listened to Allie but us. She knew things no one could ever know normally. We believed her, but not when she had the bad feeling about the mall trip. That's why she wouldn't let me go. After she died, we understood. She knew she was going to die that day.

_If I die young bury me in satin_  
><em>Lay me down on a bed of roses<em>  
><em>Sink me in the river at dawn<em>  
><em>Send me away with the words of a love song <em>  
><em>oh oh<em>

When we spread her ashes, we sang a love song. She never wanted her death to be mourned. She wanted a celebration of love and life. We would give her that, even though she would never know in death.

_The ballad of a dove _  
><em>Go with peace and love<em>  
><em>Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket<em>  
><em>Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh<em>

She had this strong belief that there should be no war; only peace and love. She would comfort us when we cried, and tell us to keep them until we would really need them. Her funny statement made us laugh through our tears. Always.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well _  
><em>I've had just enough time<em>  
><em>So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls<em>

Alice Leigh Swan, you will be missed by all. We love you. And I'm going to honor your request to make things right with Charlie. I swear I will, even if it kills me.

* * *

><p><strong>Alright, there it is. That was hard for me to write. I seriously had myself tearing up, especially because I was listening to the song, too. It's called "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry. If you want me to continue this, just let me know. Thanks. :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 1

Forks, Washington. A small town in the Olympic Peninsula of Washington, in the United States. It's one of the rainiest places in the USA, and certainly in the continential US. It's much different than always-sunny Phoenix, Arizona, but I have very little choice. I'm doing it for my sister. It's all for Allie.

So here I am, sitting in the front seat of Charlie's police cruiser and staring out the window at the driving rain. Charlie's silent, and so am I. Though, Charlie probably feels awkward, and I'm just silent because I'm upset about Allie. The rain streaking down the window looks like tears, I note as we stop at one of the few stoplights. The main road in Forks has two lanes on either side of the yellow line. I bump my head on the window, and then sigh. With my luck, it'll bruise and I'll start high school here with a black-and-blue forehead. Charlie hits the button for the radio and fiddles around until he hits the country station. A song begins playing that makes me start crying. _If I Die Young_ by The Band Perry. We played the song when we scattered Allie's ashes. I can almost smell her perfume as I listen, and silently let the tears fall. Charlie notices and goes to turn off the song, but I slap his hand away. I want to remember Allie, not push her away. The light turns green, and we're off again. When we get to the house, I climb out and sling my duffel bag back over my shoulder. I pay little attention to the house (though I can't help but notice the old Chevy truck in the driveway), just go upstairs to my room and close the door. Just as roomy as before, but more so without the bed Allie slept in. Instead, Charlie had put an old desk with a computer older than most dinosaur fossils. I set the duffel bag down and unpack.

The thing on top in the bag is my photo album. I search for a loose floorboard and stuff it in there, along with my coffee can full of savings. I throw my clothes in the drawers and set my books in the shelf. My MP3 player goes on the nightstand, as does the photo cube with pictures of me, Renee, Allie, and Charlie. Once I'm satisfied, I lay down on my bed and pick out patterns in the ceiling. Charlie comes in once; a joint visit to ask if I want dinner, and to tell me that I'll be starting to school tomorrow. Joyous.

When the afternoon light starts to fade, I shower and go downstairs. Charlie's invested in a few pieces of fruit, lucky for me. I grab an apple and go back upstairs. Today is a day to be alone with my thoughts, not to be out and about and pretend I'm OK. That's tomorrow's job.

I lay there on my bed until the late afternoon light gives way to darkness. It may be only eight, but I turn over and give sleep my best shot.

=X=

I wake up at four o'clock. I click on my bedside lamp and look around. After taking a moment to wake up, I heave myself out of bed and grab my clothes. Yes I'm aware that school doesn't start until eight, but I can't go back to sleep. After making my shower last for a half-hour, I get on my computer and check my email. None of course. I spend an hour watching CNN. Then I get my school stuff together, and grab a granola bar. It should last me until lunch. So I drive to school and sit in the parking lot until the secretary arrives. She lets me in and gives me my schedule. I study it quickly along with the school map and head to my locker. By the time I get everything in and straigthen it out, I have an hour and a half left. A few students have arrived, and there's a petite pixielike girl that has the locker to the left of mine. I catch one good look at her, and my heart twists. She looks so much like Allie; the choppy hair and angular features. I turn away quickly, fighting tears. The day passes slowly, but it's a blur by the time I get to Biology. I'm one of the last to walk in. The fan blows my hair into a disorder, and I step out of the way of it. Mr. Banner signs my signature sheet. I sit down, and there is a boy sitting beside me. He's glaring at me like I've stabbed him or something. I frown. The last thing I need is someone on my case!

Mr. Banner runs through a PowerPoint, and I carefully take notes. We finish early, and everyone talks while Mr. Banner listens to music on the radio and does paperwork. The same damned song comes on again, and I put my head down on the desk, feeling like it's a sign.

"I'm trying, Allie," I whisper to the black wood. "Give me strength."

A single tear falls down my cheek. A few girls are singing along.

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no  
>I'll sell 'em for a dollar<br>They're worth so much more  
>After I'm a goner<br>And maybe then you'll hear  
>The words I've been singing<br>Funny when you're dead  
>How people start listening<em>

I keep my head down on the table until the song goes off, and then I just keep my chin on the table, feeling glum. Finally, finally, the bell rings. I sigh in relief and flee the room. My safe haven is gym. It's a horrible subject for me, but all I have to do to pass is show up. That brings the slightest trace of smile to me. A smiling blond boy offers to be my partner in volleyball.

"Thanks," I say, keeping my voice breezy. His name has slipped my mind.

He grins again. I decide that I like him. He's a perpetually happy person. His name comes to me. Mike Newton! His family owns a sporting goods place in town. I smile. "Thanks," I tell him again.

Mike nods. "No problem. Might as well practice my chivalry."

That causes me to laugh. My somewhat good mood causes me to excel in the game. On the first turn, I spike the ball over the net and it hits someone on the other team, on the head. They try to hit it over the net but it hits the ground. Mike high-fives me, as does a petite girl with wildly curly dark hair. Her name is Jessica, I recall. She's probably only 5'1" but her hair makes up at least an inch of the difference between us. Coach Clapp decides to call time after my team is up by six. He lets us change and go home early. I race to the truck through pouring rain, and slide inside the cab. As soon as I'm able to put the key in the igntion, I carefully navigate the streets home. There, I do my homework in silence. I turn on my music and lay on my bed. I feel like I'm waiting for something.

The thing is, I don't even know what I'm waiting for.


End file.
